Know Thyself: My experience at Vipassana - I
Lately, I have been greatly enamored by a) discipline and b) challenging oneself. With the life we lead, it is very easy to get distracted and lose focus. That’s why it is important to keep a disciplined approach. Similarly, I fundamentally believe that ennui can set in if we don’t put ourselves in a challenging environment. And with an innate belief in the Socratic adage, “An unexamined life is not worth living”, I decided to ‘know thyself’ and give Vipassana a try. The idea of 10 days of total silence, no contact with any gadgets, no books, no music and no newspapers appealed to my instinct of challenging myself.
Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. There is an intense focus on introspection and self-purification.
The atmosphere at the center is austere, disciplined and structured around needs of 10 hours of daily meditation. You have to agree to abide by all discipline rules of the ashram – the most important rule being that of Arya Maun (Noble Silence – no eye contact, no gestures) and attending all meditation sessions.
Here all days are same. Unfailingly, same basic rules have to be followed every day. Life begins early - at 4 am. The first class begins at 4.30 and a two hours session is followed by breakfast at 6.30. You reassemble at 8am for another 3 hours session. Lunch is served at 11 and after a short nap, back for meditation until 5pm. No meal is served after lunch. You can have tea and some fruit at the evening break and then it’s back for the last session and evening discourse. Basically, after your lunch the next meal is breakfast the following day. Though it sounds harsh but it was the easiest things to adapt to. There is a proper science behind it. With 10 hours of daily meditation and virtually no physical activity, body metabolism drops significantly and more food will only make you sleepy during meditation. Not only body metabolism slows down but pace of life also gets reduced significantly. Life comes to a virtual standstill and the day looms large. There is nothing to kill time or no inane chat sessions over tea or coffee. This makes the entire environment very inward looking. You become the center. And there is no escape.
Every simple act is codified and followed strictly. We were allotted a seat at mediation hall and dining area. You can’t change it. For ten days, I had all my meals staring at number 20.
Meditation
Mind is like a monkey. Nothing seems truer than this when you sit quiet, with eyes closed and try to focus. It is almost impossible. This is the reason for Vipassana to cut out all distractions. Volunteers take charge of the routine affairs and you have no other task other than to sit and meditate. On 4th day, we were introduced to Adhistaan, a form of meditation that we have to practice in three hour-long sessions daily. In this meditation form, you can’t move your body. You sit and close your eyes and then try not to move at all. It requires every ounce of willpower to sit and ignore all physical pains. Not only do you need to ignore all pains but you have to also examine every part of your body for the sensations that they may experience. There are times when you face pleasant sensations but most of the time you are in physical discomfort. This is the heart of Vipassana. You train your mind to deal pleasure or pain with equanimity.
In the meditation hall, more than hundred people sit cross-legged, in a Buddha like pose, and try to master control over their mind. In evening particularly, it used to be very quiet. Total stillness. It used to feel as if life has come to a halt. In such a setting, suddenly the air would get punctured by a loud belching sound. Soon, as if it were contagious, belching would become an orchestra of varying soundscape.
Should one go for the Vipassana?
I am not the one who would advise all and sundry to jump on the bandwagon of Vipassana as Moksh is just round the corner. It’s tough. It’s demanding. It requires serious thinking. Ten days is a long time and your resolve will be tested at many places.
One thing you must have in abundance to come here is self-love. Else, you will get bored. You have to bear your presence all the time. You will not be able to escape yourself. So, come well prepared.
What didn’t work with me?
In a place where there is a deep abiding faith in silence, voice of Guru Goenka resonates everywhere. Goenkaji died a while ago, but his recorded message is played during the evening discourse, sessions start with him giving rather detailed instructions in Hindi and then in English, his readings in Sanskrit and Pali are broadcasted all over the campus. He was surely in love with his voice. On top of that he had a habit of giving a musical turn to every single sentence. This continuous coarse deep voice can test the Samta (equanimity) of even Buddha. His evening discourse would meander through the teachings of Buddhism, Jainism, Hinduism, Sikhism, etc.
Despite its repeated claims of being non-religious, there is a perceptible undertone of religion to the program. Just like all other religions believe that they have somehow discovered panacea for all ailments, similarly Vipassana is projected as a final route to salvation.
I know I am a bit harsh on this aspect. The positives of the program far outweigh the negatives. Buddha is claimed to be first psychologist in this world. He brought the focus to the ‘I’ of the individual. Vipassana lays great emphasis on the theory of learning and then its relentless practice. Here is a silent retreat that will not let you escape till it forces some serious introspection. For that one reason, all pains are worth a try. And as Goenkaji might say – Anichay, Anichay, Anichay… Impermanence, impermanence, impermanence…
And did I discover myself – yeh kahani phir sahi…
